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Well, I had full intentions of posting Reflections Part II, the second half of my exegetical work on The Pretender by Jackson Browne (my favorite part of the song was yet to come), but wow did things pick up around here. I was at school for 12hrs today and I think that is going to become more and more common. Its hard to stay up on my reading, there is just so much of it to do and its hard to stay motivated to keep reading when I am not directly tested on it. The past two days I have not run in the morning and that is disappointing because I was seeing some great results and starting to feel like I was obtaining the coveted “auto-pilot” or “cruise” mode (as I refer to it) during a run, where I can just run and not have to think about what I am doing, but be somewhere else disassociating and recharging. I really think my running will help keep me sane around here and I really want to continue. I finished an online test just now (its after midnight and not feeling great because I didn’t do so hot on the test) so I doubt that there will be a run in the morning. I figured as long as I am up this late I may as well write some thoughts down… nothing mind blowing… but neither is life for the most part, just the daily grind. They days are filling up before they get here and I have not even started research yet. It will be crazy.

I ate dinner with Dr. Pivarnik and Erin (also 1st year doctoral exercise physiology). It was really good. He just was wondering how we were doing and how our transition is going. I was really encouraged by the visit and am very thankful for him. The Kinesiology department here is just fantastic and those in the exercise physiology discipline are a tight knit group and I am excited to be here.

Well don’t know really what to say, but I did write more about The Pretender last week and didn’t post it… I think I will now.

The song continues:

“Caught between the longing for love
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the junk man pounds his fender
Where the veterans dream of the fight
Fast asleep at the traffic light
And the children solemnly wait
For the ice cream vendor
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the Pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there”

The song just gets better! Man, love it. I love the polarities that Browne is describing here. Love or Money? I like how he is acknowledging you cannot obtain both, one must be sacrificed and it seems at the expense of the other. For a long time the next line stumped me, sirens and church bells?… then I realized tonight as I was driving to church that the sirens he is talking about are not on a fire truck, but the seductive sirens of Greek mythology. Both have their own pull on him. I have no idea what the junk man is doing, but it sounds great in the song. I love the next line: “where the veterans dream of the fight, fast asleep at the traffic light.” These veterans have seen and done things that you and I will never see or ever do. They have met the enemy in close combat, even hand to hand, face to face, fighting for the same thing: life. A distant second objective was freedom for this great country of ours… but in the moment they experienced the most primitive instinct: kill or be killed. Since they are alive… they killed. They also watched helplessly as their brothers beside them died seemingly randomly. It seemed not to matter how well trained you were or how brave you were … the rain fell on the righteous and wicked alike. In fact it seemed much of the time the well trained and most courageous were the ones to die; leaving the cowards and untrained to carry the “victory” on their shoulders. The song briefly alludes to these warriors that preserved good and eradicated evil in this world falling asleep at the wheel. Guess who yells and honks at them? punks that are ignorant and ungrateful of their heritage. Great part of the song. I think there is weight to the second half of this stanza, but I haven’t figured it out yet. I do feel that I relate to the Pretender as I can explain later in the song, but I don’t know what to think about these phrases. I would love to hear your thoughts on them if you had any.

The song finishes up with these lines, I think they are great:

“Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight”

“I'm going to find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And we'll fill in the missing colors
In each other's paint-by-number dreams
And then we'll put our dark glasses on
And we'll make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
We'll get up and do it again
Get it up again”

“I'm going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Though true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the Pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender”